IF & Discipleship

This weekend, IF:Gathering focused a lot on discipleship. One of the things that stuck out to me is how simple the process really is. Love people and invite them in to your life.

My mom did this so well. I learned so many small things from her example. One thing that she particularly challenged me on was, “If someone is on your mind, let them know.” She heard it somewhere, wrote it on the white board in the kitchen, and lived it out. Sending a card, making a phone call, or sending a text. It’s really that simple sometimes.

But, she taught me to go a little further than that. She showed up for people. When important things happened, or when they just needed a friend. Sometimes people don’t realize how much their simple presence means. Your presence can change someone’s day, perspective, sometimes even the course of their life. 

So, my challenge to you (and myself), is this: Be the person who loves. Be the person who welcomes. Be the person who remembers. Be the person who shows up. You never know the impact you may be making.

One Year

I almost can’t believe it. Tomorrow, Mom has been gone for a whole year. It’s been a year since I’ve hugged her or heard her voice. More than a year since we’ve gone to Sonic, baked pan cookies, or gone shopping. I miss her more than I can put into words. I literally sat down and cried as I began writing this. And, while I’m thankful that we, as Christians, do not grieve without hope, I cannot claim that we grieve without pain.

I know that everyone grieves differently, and at their own pace. Some days, I’m just mad that she isn’t here. That she won’t get to meet her grandkids … that they won’t get to know the best GiGi ever. Other days, I’m sad. Sad that life doesn’t look the way it used to, or the way that we planned. But, in the midst of those sad/mad/just plain hard days, God has brought so much good. Good times with family, good friends, good support. Days that we remember and laugh and have fun and celebrate life. 

And, even though those sad/mad/hard days aren’t completely behind me (and, likely never will be), I’m thankful for a God who works all things for our good. I’m thankful for the people who stay, instead of backing out when things are hard. I’m thankful for every person who has taken the time to share memories of Mom with me. I’m thankful for the prayers, the cards, the texts that come at just the right time. And, most of all, I’m thankful for our God, who gives us beauty for ashes.

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

    because the Lord has anointedme

    to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

    to proclaim freedom for the captives

    and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor

    and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

    and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty

    instead of ashes,

the oil of joy

    instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

    instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

    a planting of the Lord

    for the display of his splendor.”

Isaiah 61:1-3

“But if not …”

I did the Beth Moore Daniel study a few years ago with a group of girls. I highly recommend it, if you’ve never studied Daniel before! I learned SO much!!! One part of the book that’s always stuck out to me is the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. These men are thrown into a fiery furnace for refusing to worship a gold idol that King Nebuchadnezzar had erected. When threatened by the King, this was their response, 

‘Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”’ Daniel 3:16-18

“But even if he does not …” 

Those words have been showing up everywhere I go lately! Signs in a store, posts on a friend’s Facebook wall … All saying ‘But if not, He is still good.’

I realize that is not an exact Scripture quote, but I think it captures something about the heart of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. They loved, trusted, and served God so much, that they were truly okay whatever happened. Even getting thrown into a fiery furnace!! 
Now, for those who don’t know the story, I’ll spoil the ending. They get bound and thrown into the furnace, but they DON’T DIE! God shows up. Nebuchadnezzar sees a FOURTH man walking around in the flames with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, and calls them out. They don’t even SMELL like smoke. God showed up, and King Nebuchadnezzar’s heart was changed.
Here’s what God’s been showing me. Everyone’s story is different. Not everyone has a story ending like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Sometimes God says no. Sometimes He has a different plan. Sometimes He does not heal the cancer here. Sometimes He does not prevent the job loss. Sometimes He does not give us the child we so desperately wanted. Sometimes He does not … But if not, He is STILL good.
Some parts of life are hard, and ugly, and exhausting, and lonely, and we just don’t understand. But, when we can’t trace His plan, we can trust His heart. He is still good. And, He WILL work good out of our situation. That doesn’t mean that everything that happens to us IS good. Just that we serve a God who is big enough and good enough to work good out of it.

“And, we know that, for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Community

I’m reading ‘Restless’ by Jennie Allen, and was so challenged by her words about community,

“We have to pick our people and commit to them, expecting (emphasis mine) they will hurt us but not giving up easily on them when they do.”

Y’all, community is HARD work. I’m convinced that’s why so many people are lacking it. We all want it to be easy. It’s not. But most things worth having aren’t easy.

I told a friend the other day that she’s been my friend long enough (14 years), that I think she’s stuck with me. There’s a lot of truth to that statement, though. When you’ve been through the good and the bad with someone, invested time and energy over the years in them, they tend to ‘stick’ for life.

Later on in the same chapter of ‘Restless,’ Jennie references a story of a friend in the hospital who wasn’t expected to live (yet, she did). There were so many people outside of the ICU, that they overflowed the waiting room. “As the world has watched, we’ve all wondered … If it were us in that bed, have we loved deep enough to have friends like this?”

I’ve seen what it looks like to have that kind of community, and my heart breaks for those who don’t. If you feel you’re lacking in this area, I challenge you to reach out and initiate. Invest. Love those in your circle, and along the path of your life. Pick your people and commit to them, for God does beautiful things in community.

Light and Momentary

I read somewhere that grief doesn’t lessen with time, it just hits you less frequently. I didn’t fully understand that until recently. 
I had a few weeks of normalcy and busyness, then I just missed Mom with the same intensity I felt right after we lost her. It felt almost debilitating. Like I truly couldn’t handle ONE more thing – I was already at capacity. Yet, the ‘grace period’ of grief has lapsed with so many people. There is an expectation that I’ve ‘moved on’ with my life, so to speak. I’m supposed to have found my new normal, and handle things the same way I did before 2015 happened. And, that’s true in many ways.
But not always. 

Thankfully, I have a husband and a few very close friends who will just listen and let me cry. Sometimes that’s all you can do. Cry, and pray that tomorrow you will be back to your ‘new normal’ … Whatever that looks like.

If you’re walking through your own grief journey right now, I pray that you have those few close people who will just sit with you and let you cry. Then, encourage you to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Because this is not our home. And, these light and momentary troubles cannot begin to compare to the glory that awaits us. 

Purpose

At this time last year, I felt that the most important thing for me to do with my free time was to spend time with my mom (and I’m so thankful for every moment that I did!). After losing mom, there was a hole in my life, and a hole in my time. 

But, Daniel and I quickly learned that we were expecting a baby. And, so, I felt that my next purpose to focus on was being a mom. After losing our baby, I just became numb. I had believed that this baby was to be a part of healing for our family. After learning of our miscarriage, a dear friend told me that she believed Mom was in heaven, rocking her first grandbaby until the rest of us got there. 

I’m so thankful for the people God has placed in my life to love and support me as I’ve been walking this journey of grief. I know that my life will never be the same. But, I’ve read recently that:

Sometimes our toughest hardship leads to our greatest purpose.

Lysa Terkeurst, Proverbs 31 Ministries

I’m not sure what that looks life for my life just yet. I know it’s a process that I still have to finish walking through, but I’ve asked God for discernment, clarity, and guidance. I know Mom wouldn’t want me sitting on the sidelines of life, and I know that my ultimate purpose is to bring glory to God with my life.

Father,

Please use my story. Use me, my experiences, my words, my time, my LIFE to make a difference for you. Place people and opportunities in my path. Help me to love as you do. Help me to be selfless. Help me to be prayerful. Help me to encourage. Help me to reflect your glory in the tragedy as well as the triumph.

Amen.

‘Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.’ (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

32

Tomorrow, I will be 32.

I’ve always loved birthdays. Probably because Mom always made such a big deal about birthdays – everyone’s birthday was important. I’m so thankful for that. It’s important to celebrate people, and to remind them how much they’re loved. Mom excelled at that – she made sure people knew that she loved them, and that God does, too.

I got three birthday cards in the mail today. One of them reminded me of how Mom made it a point to know everyone’s birthday, and of how much that meant to them. She encouraged others to remember and celebrate their loved ones, too. I’m really thankful for a family who remembers and celebrates me.

But, for the first time in my life, I’m not excited about my birthday. I’ve put off most celebrating until the weekend. I’m working on my birthday for the first time in years. Nothing about it feels normal. It feels like something to get through, not something to get excited about.

But, God still has a plan. He is still good. He still has a purpose for me here on this earth. So, tomorrow, I will get up and thank Him for another birthday. I will thank Him for another day of life. I will thank Him for a family who loves me. And, I will thank Him for a mom who made the best cookie cake for every birthday. 

‘So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.’ 

Psalm 90:12

Normal … or extraordinary?

When we first found out Mom had cancer, she told us that God would use this. He would use our family and our story. I remember thinking, “Okay, we can tell people how Mom got through these treatments, and we loved and encouraged her, and trusted God as she was healed.” That was my plan. Not God’s plan. 
I’ll admit, I’m grieving as I process through this. Sometimes I like my plan better than God’s – anybody else ever feel that way? “God, if you would just do this, everything would be great. Thanks.” 

But, God is not a genie. He is GOD. He created us. He created everything. And, I can only see a teeny, tiny snippet of his plan. So, I have to trust His plan. I have to remember all of the truths I know about Him. He loves me. He loves my family. He is good. He saved me. He is in control. His way is perfect. And so many more … 

Another truth a friend reminded me of this weekend is that God is BIG. More than we can fathom. So, He can handle my pain, my sadness, my anger. And, He will help me get through it and grow through it, if I will allow Him. “And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good…” (Romans 8:28)

So, back to Mom. She believed that God would use this situation for His glory, and I know that He already has. My prayer is that He will use me and my journey to glorify Him and to impact others. This weekend, I heard a quote at IF:Gathering. 

“Maybe I wanted normal [life], but God wanted extraordinary.” 

If I can’t have normal, then may God make my life extraordinary for Him.

New Beginnings

I started selling Younique products this weekend. And it made me miss Mom. This might sound strange, because my mother was not a big make-up person. But it was her support I was missing. She would have been the first one to buy something from me (probably lip gloss). She would have told her friends (or strangers she talked to in line at Target) about it. She would have supported me. Encouraged me. Planned with me. Networked for me. It’s just a part of who she was. As a mother to me, but to so many others as well. Mom was always proud of her family’s and friends’ accomplishments, talents, achievements … Who else would record every. single. time. I sang in church, and actually go back and listen to them? Or drive to Indiana to see her niece’s college theater production? Or attend countless Quiz Bowl tournaments all over Arkansas to cheer for her son? Mom was an encourager. She always had something good to say about someone else. And, I’ve heard from so many of all of the wonderful (probably biased) things she had to say about me. I’ve never seen anyone who loved better … 

Father, help me to love people like my mother did. To encourage them. To strive to bring out the best in them. To point them toward You. 

2015 …

2015 was a battle from start to finish. Truly, it was the hardest year of my life so far. I’m honestly grateful it is over. 2016 brings with it hope. Hope that my family stays healthy. Hope that God grants me more strength. Hope that we see His glory in the midst of grief, and that we reflect that glory to those around us. Hope … for so many things. 

Romans 8 has come to mind so many times throughout this year. 

“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” (v.18)

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” (v.26)

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (v.28)

One thing that has helped me as I’ve navigated these past few months is to remember the things I have to be thankful for. Like the old hymn ‘Count Your Blessings.’

I’m so thankful for:

A husband who loves and supports me through the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. And even makes me laugh when I felt like that might not ever happen again.

A daddy who loved my mom so well. I wish everyone could experience someone loving them as much and as sacrificially as he loved Mom.

A brother who makes time to talk to me in the midst of his craziest, busiest days, when I’m missing mom more than I can explain to anyone else.

Extended family who have supported us while they’re grieving as well. Who have helped us get through the holidays, knowing they’re a little different for everyone this year. Who help us remember stories and qualities we love about Mom.

A church family who truly is the body of Christ. We never lacked visitors, supporters, encouragers, or FOOD! Sweet friends have cleaned house, mowed the yard, even put in a new downstairs bathroom so Mom didn’t have to navigate the stairs.

Friends who have come from near and far just to be with us. Who have spent days off sitting in a hospital room, or left their own families to be with me right after Mom died, or driven across the country with small children just to be here for Mom’s service. Who have cooked meals, or designed programs, or filled out Christmas stockings.

Employers who were so gracious to Dad, Adam, and me as we’ve walked through all of this. And co-workers who covered for all of us while we were off. 

I think that this year taught me just how loved my mom was, and just how loved my family and I are. 

I’ll end with the words to the hymn I referenced earlier:

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,

Count your many blessings, name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

Count your blessings, see what God has done!

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

Count your many blessings, see what God has done.

(Written by Johnson Oatman, Jr in 1897)